Many people claim to know the magic formula for internet dating, but I’m of the opinion that there is no perfect way to approach it. It’s like raising a child–each one is different, so you need to find what works best for each unique personality.
Patience, I believe, is the key to being successful in cyber-dating. Patience, I believe, is the key to a successful relationship (whether it is romantic, maternal, or otherwise). Patience, I believe, is the key to success in general.
I’ve rushed into many things in my life and the results were never successful. When I began my new life path at the tender age of thirty-six, I knew I had to take a different approach if I wanted to be successful in any area of my life. I slowed down my usual “now, now, now” attitude to a crawl in order to observe everything with my eyes wide open for once. I quickly realized I needed to live my life as the “anti-Veronica,” and do everything opposite of how I did it in the past. My path of self-discovery was paved with many questions needing to be answered before the next step could be taken:
- Why am I in romantic relationships? Is it that I love being in one, or that I’m dependent on having a man in my life?
- Who is Veronica?
- Am I in love with Veronica enough to open my heart to someone else?
- What are my non-negotiables for a future relationship?
- Am I willing to be über picky and live my life without a romantic relationship if there are too many “buts”? How many “buts” are acceptable?
It took over a year to get on the right path, which was fraught with unexpected course deviations resulting in me, alone and frustrated, staring at a dead end. But each time I faltered, I found my way back on that path. I took the time to take a breath, reflect upon those choices, and then trudge forward with even more determination than before.
The general result of my self-exploration was that I was ready, and willing, to die alone (or so I thought) and was no longer going to sacrifice my happiness and settle on anything less than what I truly felt I deserved. (Even if it meant the adoption of many cats, and the purchase of a bulk subscription for AA batteries.) That year also involved quite a lot of self-talk and pure honesty to myself–not anyone else–honesty to me, myself and I. I’ve always said, “You can lie to your family, you can lie to your friends, but you cannot lie to yourself.” I feel we are only capable of fooling ourselves into justifying that what we are doing is right. Deep down inside though, that foolery never stops nagging at us and eating away at our core. No matter how much I was hurting, I forced myself to take a long look in the mirror and confront the inner demons that made me believe I was not worthy of true happiness.
What made my journey successful? Patience. The moment I felt the need to sprint, I took off my tattered sneakers, strapped on a pair of sexy stilettos, and sauntered down that path with a confident swagger and my head held high. The most important thing I put on though, was a genuine smile knowing I had a new-found love for me, myself and I.