Was I nervous?
Does a bear crap in the woods?
Does Monday happen every week?
Are Santa Claus, The Easter Bunny, and The Tooth Fairy real?
Of course I was nervous!
I wasn’t nervous about what most people would be nervous about. Wait. What would most people be nervous about? Probably about inadvertently snorting when they laughed, or not knowing the answer to a question. Neither of those was my concern.
My concern was the identical twins, “Um” and “Uhh.”
I cannot count the times that I have sat in a meeting, lecture, or conference, and lost total focus of the content because all I could hear was, “um, um, um.” I become numb, numb, numb. If someone was going to take the time to listen to what I had to say, I wanted to eliminate the white noise, and allow them to hear what I had to say.
After the interview was over, I listened to the finished product and felt my ears begin to burn. No, neither um nor uhh were to blame (the members of Toastmasters would be so proud of me), it was a phrase I said multiple times that made me cringe—“take a step back.”
Where did that come from? When have I ever said, “take a step back”?
A few days after the interview aired, I asked some people close to me for their honest opinions. Not a single person noticed it. Needless to say, I was relieved.
I’m sure many of you have just taken a break from reading this and gone to listen to my interview to hear my broken-record of a saying.
“What’s a broken record, Veronica?”
Phew… you’re too young to understand the saying. That will help me save face a bit.
Anyhoo, as time passed, I came to accept what I viewed as a repetitive faux pas, and chalked it up to nerves. But then it hit me.
“Take a step back.”
That’s what can be blamed for the failure of so many relationships nowadays—no one takes a moment to take two giant steps backward from their emotional bubble, and observe what is going on in their relationship (or life, in general). The masses aren’t analyzing their relationships before running full steam ahead to follow their throbbing loins.
Yeah, I just said, “throbbing loins.”
I know you think you’re in love, but have you taken the time to evaluate your situation like you would as an outsider? Someone who’s not emotionally attached to the key players? Like when you watch your BFF make a fool of herself over that guy you call a letch. She hasn’t heard a word you’ve said about her modern-day Lothario, but you know it’s going to go up in flames sooner or later.
I’m sure most of us have someone we can talk to—someone who will give us honest feedback about what they have observed. Sometimes, just talking about the relationship makes it very clear when we hear our own words bouncing back into our ears.
“Oh my gawd, Janelle! I had the most fantastic time with Richard last night! He felt guilty for standing me up again last Friday to go to a peeler club with his buddies, so he bought me flowers, took me to dinner at The Keg and then, fulfilled my needs all night.”
Um (yeah, I just said, “um”), do you hear yourself? No? Okay, that is why you need to “take a step back.”
Folks, stop fooling yourself into thinking that your self-worth is expendable and, instead, realize that your self-worth is invaluable.
Do you know what that means? That means you should not, under any circumstance, compromise who you are for some “buts” or lame justifications of why you don’t deserve to have the life and relationship you deserve.
I’m not just talking to women right now. I know far too many men who allow women to trounce on their souls, egos, and hearts, in order to feel in control.
Stop it right now and fight for you.
Find a friend, go to a counselor, hell… send me and email, and let’s get you to where you deserve to be.
Now let’s say it all together…
Take a step back.
You’re worth it.