The first thing I discovered is that @midnight is not some thirteen year-old kid playing video games in his mom’s basement, and thought that “midnight” would make him seem deep, dark, and cool; but rather something to do with a show on Comedy Central. If @midnight is an indicator that it airs at twelve o’clock in the morning, it shall remain elusive to me due to my strict 10pm bedtime. Based on their Twitter following though, it must be a good show, since they have approximately 307,908 more followers than me.
So anyhoo, back to the #MyLoveLifeIn3Words trending thing. It made me think. It made me think really hard. How would I describe my love life in three words? I sat and stared at my computer screen blankly. It was far more difficult than I expected, so I thought I’d cheat and get some ideas from those close to me. Hence, I sent out text messages to a handful of people who had different relationship statuses than me. I was surprised by some of the results.
Mother of three, married:
Mother of three, married (second message):
I didn’t dare answer her back to point out that she actually gave me six. I think maybe I will just anonymously leave a bottle of White Zinfandel on her doorstep tonight, and hope this didn’t get her thinking about her love life too much. She really doesn’t need baby number four.
Divorced woman, single, cyber-dating:
Oh geez… I better buy a case of White Zinfandel at the rate I’m going.
I wonder if these two women realize that, although they lead completely different lives, their love lives flow in a parallel manner. Seeing as I would like my friendship with both to stay intact, I’ll keep my trap shut.
I then asked my husband. He thought for only a split second before proudly saying, “good, better, best.” I wondered how it could have been so easy for him to come up with something so profound, so quickly, but I thanked him and headed off to soak in the tub where I do some of my best thinking. Despite the comforting ambiance, I was still stumped.
The next text message came in and interrupted my thoughts:
Mother of two, married:
Wow. Cool. It made me smile at first, until I thought about the source from whence it came.
Imagine the most vibrant woman that you know – the one who lights up a room when she walks in, and is never without a smile. Gorgeous, giving, and always put-together. That’s her. Now picture her hubby – handsome, good physique (eyelashes to kill for), but a total “man’s man.” Sports, poker, hunting, fishing, baseball cap-wearing, and very boisterous. You’d never lose this one in a crowd. But she said “sensual.” I’ve never seen him shed a tear, nor ever caught him in a tender moment with his wife at a social function. I never would have pinned the term “sensual” on him. My mind began to completely wander. Wander to a place it shouldn’t. Will I ever be able to look at this man again now that the image of him slicked down with oil, tickling her with feathers in their candlelit bedroom has burned itself permanently into my retinas? Lord help me…where’s that bottle of White Zin?
Once my inappropriate thoughts dissipated, I approached my husband again and asked why he said “good, better, best.” I was hoping his insight would help me find my three words.
“Well, isn’t it based on phases in life?” He began to stammer as I looked at him perplexed with my head cocked. Sadly, he continued. “Umm…I mean. Well…umm…before…umm…well…There was no ‘good’ with you…we went straight to ‘best.’ Umm…I don’t know!” And then scurried out of the room.
Why did he run away so fast? Why did he give up on my dream of knowing the passion that lies deep within his heart for me? Is it because he now assumes that, if I think that I am categorized as “best,” I will wonder who he was considering as “good” and “better?” Do I know them? Will we run into them at the mall one day? Will we have an awkward introduction, and when I later ask him who she was, he’ll say, “Oh that was ‘better,’ the woman I dated before I met you.” You bet your bottom dollar he thinks I’m thinking that. That poor man. Maybe I’ll share my White Zin with him.
After my personal research, I returned to Twitter to see what the consensus was on #MyLoveLifeIn3Words. It hurt my heart to read that only a small handful of people had relationships that were fulfilling – with another human. The masses only had relationships with food, pets or…well…I’m not going to repeat those other ones.
Now I must rise to the challenge and utter my three words. I realize now why I was having so much difficulty figuring it out. I was taking all of the “white noise” of our life and allowing it to distort my opinion of our love life. I was thinking about the negative influences and the day to day crap that gets between me and my lover. Once I stripped all of that away and looked deep into my heart, soul, and loins, I figured it out.
There you go. My love life in three words. No wine required.