Before I have every mental health association follow me around to observe “The Woman with 16 Personalities,” I should probably clarify the title of this blog.
No, I do not have 16 personalities. (Granted, some might argue that I have at least four.)
I am referring to the online personality test—16 Personalities.
As some of you may recall, one of my favorite books is The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. I am also a huge fan of Your Personality Tree by Florence Littauer. I have always been drawn to books and studies regarding the diverse personality traits that make a person an individual; so when a colleague told me about the 16 Personalities test online, I was on it like stink.
After completing my test, I asked my husband to complete one as well so I could learn even more about him. In summary, my personal results were pretty darn astonishing, and it made me wonder who the creep was who had been following me around my entire life, in order to get the results so bang-on. There were also some tidbits that I didn’t realize I embody, and it caused me to really put some extra thought towards the third-party observation.
The test categorized me as an INFJ (The Advocate) which is “very rare, making up less than one percent of the population.” I have some really impressive stuff going on apparently, and am in the company of Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, and Mother Teresa, to name a few. I particularly like the part where it said that “James Wilson” of the TV show House, MD was also an INFJ.
My husband is an ISFJ (The Defender). He shares that personality with 13% of the population, as well as Queen Elizabeth II, Queen Mary I, Robert E. Lee, and “Samwise Gamgee” from The Lord of the Rings (I’m going to have to Google that one).
One of the stark differences of our personality traits is that I am 83% introverted to his 28%. Although, I’ve always known that about myself, I wonder if—now that my husband has read my results—he will understand me a little better when it comes to my aversion to social situations. Maybe he’ll finally realize that my shyness (or avoidance) is not snobbery, but a sincere personality defect. As we all know, no marriage is perfect; and one of the hiccups in my relationship with my husband is the polar difference of how introverted (or not) we are.
I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve approached someone (or a group of people) he knows and he completely turns his back to me and ignores that I’m even there.
“You have a voice, why don’t you introduce yourself?” is sometimes the response I get when I ask why he didn’t introduce me.
I consider it common courtesy to introduce people to each other, but I guess he doesn’t see it that way. I spent years thinking he was ashamed to be seen with me, so I would often just slink off and wait for him to finish socializing. No matter how many times I told him how hurtful and embarrassing it felt to me, it always fell on deaf ears. (Or became my fault for not interrupting their conversation to say “Look at me! Look at me!”) Hopefully, now, he’ll understand me a little better.
As for my husband’s results—I have officially had a bucket-full of “ah-ha” moments about him. My desire to learn more was most-definitely fulfilled. Many of his traits were obvious, but even more made me think, “Ah. Now I get it.” The emotional problem-solver in me began to think, “Okay. How can we help heal him to move past the negative things and become the true defender he was destined to be?” And on that same token, “How can I heal myself to reach my full potential?”
I’m going to spend this coming week studying both of our results, because the “relationship” portion of the test is well-worth going into deeper in my blog next week.
Until then, I definitely recommend you take a few minutes to take the test yourself; and encourage those close to you to do the same. Relationships (romantic or otherwise) are worth nurturing outside of text messaging one another all day.
My challenge to you this week: Start dialogues with your romantic partner, business partner, siblings, close friends, etc.
Get to know yourself and those you care about a little bit better. You will certainly have your own “ah-ha” moments and will surely see positive changes in your relationships.
Hell, get that jerk in your finance department to do it too—maybe you’ll better understand why he’s such an ass. You might discover that he’s not actually an ass—but simply a misunderstood INTP.