While my head was buried deep into the sands of chaos (AKA: my life), I didn’t realize that the first day of Spring had come and gone. I don’t think I can be blamed for missing it as I gaze out my window at the four-foot high pile of snow on my lawn that is determined not to melt. Despite the remaining lawn igloos, I think I should embrace Spring and all-things renewed that it represents.
As the crocus struggle to push their way through the leftover snow, I’ll focus on the single folks desperately trying to squeeze into their sexy-wear as they, yet again (or anew), try their hand at the dating game… the online dating game to be exact.
Before you jump into the dating pool (or cast out your line), take a step back and ask yourself this question, “Why do I want to date?” Some reasons might be:
a. I’m lonely
b. I’m bored
c. I’m horny
d. All of the above
If your answer is “all of the above” or a or b or c, maybe you need to take two more steps back and reflect a little harder. Aren’t all of those reasons a little unfair to an unsuspecting prospect?
If you’re just looking for a good time or a diversion, please make sure you are targeting the same group of candidates. Don’t categorize your online profile as “dating” or “casual,” if you actually want a “relationship.”
“But Veronica, you have to date before you can be in a relationship.”
Yes, I understand that. But if your sole purpose for creating a profile is to find a group of candidates for just shits-and-giggles, and have no desire to seek a long-term relationship, then don’t play games with the ones who are looking to find their life partner. And that goes the same for you “relationship” people. Don’t dig your claws into a shits-and-giggles person hoping to turn them into a ring-on-my-finger person.
Stop playing games, people.
It’s annoying, and wastes everyone’s time.
Life is far too busy not to be real.
Maybe your intent is just to date and have fun for a little while. That’s okay. But don’t string Leon or Eleanor on if you know they are looking to share a denture cup with someone. And Leon and Eleanor, leave Kiki and Jake alone. They don’t want to be your one and only, so don’t give them that “Oh… yeah… I’m just looking to date for a while,” song and dance, all the while trying to figure out how to make them fall desperately in love with you.
Being the “Eleanor” that I was, I tried to wear a “Kiki” mask, but felt myself quickly falling in love with a “Jake” who did not have the same “Leon” relationship goals as me. I held out and told myself daily that I “needed” to date awhile before expecting to be in a lifelong relationship. I knew he was falling in love with me though, so I kept holding out hope.
Although we were seeing each other exclusively (I think), I finally couldn’t take the casualness of it anymore and walked away. I did break his heart when I left, but we didn’t have the same wants or goals. I’ll tell you though, I knew he was in love with me. I knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me—he knew it too. Unfortunately, he was so damaged by his ex-wife that he couldn’t fully give himself to me.
“Hold on Veronica. You’re always saying how you’re so ‘gaga’ for your husband. Why do you say, ‘unfortunately’ when you talk about the demise of that relationship?”
I guess you got me there.
Maybe I shouldn’t have said “unfortunately,” but it was how I felt at the time. I really did think I was in love with that man. That “unfortunate” turn of events just proved to validate a few of my beliefs:
- Everything happens for a reason
- You can’t change fate
- Go with your gut
If “Jake” had decided to embrace his inner “Leon,” maybe we’d be together today.
Once I came down from my “Kiki” cloud in the sky, I realized I had also been adapting in many other ways. I wasn’t being myself in quite a few areas of our relationship. Eventually it would have caught up with me and, I guarantee you, our relationship would have been another negative statistic. Instead, I opted to embrace my inner “Eleanor” and found my “Prince Leon.”
Prince Leon is the most beautiful man I’ve ever met. I can be myself around him and, although we have our hiccups (due mostly to the white-noise of life), I am gaga for him. There’s no “unfortunately” about it.
So the bottom line is: take a step back and be honest about what your intentions are before you click “upload” on your dating profile. You’ll be happier for it and so will the Leons, Eleanors, Kikis, and Jakes of the cyber-world.