As my work week wraps itself up, my Three H’s poke their heads around the corner of my conscience. Did I exercise true honesty with myself and others? Did I take each challenge with a little grain of salt and use humor to guide me to the end of that proverbial tunnel ‘o crap? Yes. Yes I did. Humor definitely got me through this week.
- Monday: Still on a high after a very successful book fair, I was humbled by the universe when it dumped my neighbourhood with snow (thankfully, not like the 70” in areas of Buffalo, NY). You’d think that I wouldn’t even bat an eye as a resident of Ontario, but you see, I was away with my car during the weekend, so my husband wasn’t able to mount my snow tires. I laughed at the challenge, partook in modern technology, and telecommuted to work for the day. Meanwhile, my beloved went and had the new tires mounted, and made us dinner.
- Tuesday: Driving to work together, my husband complained that my car “really tugs to the right with these tires.” My first thought was, “Great. He went and bought me crappy tires.” My husband pulled over at the end of our block and checked the tires, only to discover that we were driving on a flat. We turned around and drove “thp-thp thp-thp thp-thp” back home to thaw and scrape his vehicle for our second attempt at that day’s commute. Only a little late for work. It’s okay. At the end of the day, in sub-sub-zero temperatures, my hubby raced to remove my tire and take it back to the dealer to have it replaced. We’re all good now. I made dinner this time.
- Wednesday: As I continued my bedlam at work in preparation of a global workshop that starts next Monday, I was upset to see that the snow was coming down quite heavily. Our regular 35 minute commute home took two hours. With my glass-half-full attitude, I took the time to be grateful that I went pee before leaving the office and then sat back and Twittered my heart out in order to make the most of the less-than-ideal situation. As I entered the house to find something quick to make for dinner, I noticed an unfamiliar chill in our home. It seems as though our furnace decided to take a rest. I made homemade pizza for dinner that night in the hopes that the 450 degree oven would help heat our house (since hubby was unable to repair the furnace). For dessert, we had wine… lots of wine. I bundled myself up in the equivalent of a parka and went to bed. Hubby would stay home the next day to source the furnace part and get us up and running again.
As I recounted my stories of the week to a co-worker, I found myself laughing hysterically (complete with tears streaming down my cheeks). I can definitely say that humor was the winning H for my week.
After that extremely long side story, I should probably get to the topic this week—humility.
People seem to have a very stubborn piece of circuitry in them; and very few have mastered the art of submission to another.
sub·mis·sion noun səbˈmiSHən —the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.
I feel bad for submission because it tends to get a pretty bad rap. Most view submission as a weakness, but it is actually the complete opposite—it takes extreme amounts of strength to submit to another person. I am proud that I can submit myself regularly and still keep my head held high.
“Superior force”, “authority of another”.
That’s just bad marketing. It’s like Britney Spears vs. Christina Aguilera. Who’s the better singer? Christina, by far. Who’s more wealthy and famous? Brittany, hands down.
Brittany had a better marketing team.
If submission hired Britney’s marketing team, I’m sure that millions would willingly do it and also wear t-shirts announcing it.
“Wait a minute, Veronica. You said that this week’s topic is about humility. Why do you keep going on and on about submission?”
Calm yourself my little impatient friend. Calm yourself and think about it. What does it take to submit yourself to an individual? It takes the courage and strength to tuck your darn fuzzy tail between your legs and opt out of fighting to get the last word or to get your way.
Humility (AKA—submission) is about opening your heart and mind enough to admit that there might be another right answer. It’s about kicking your ego to the curb. Why does anyone have to “win” in a relationship? Why can’t we just be content with growing from the experiences, opinions and wisdom of others? More specifically for this example—your life partner.
I don’t spend my days being a weak and sniveling spouse—kowtowing to my husband—I stand up strong and defend my opinion, but hear his with unconditional openness. My husband and I lived polar opposite lives before we met, and therefore, had many different life experiences. Because of our diversity, we take each experience that we go through together and do our best to view things through each other’s eyes. We learn from one another.
Some say that I “won” the dishwasher “argument.” (That’s a long story…but then again, what story in my life is ever short?) I didn’t win the dishwasher “argument;” and it wasn’t even an argument—it was a difference in opinion. I just gave my husband the necessary information for him to process a different view on his opinion at that time. In the end he said, “You’re right honey. It does make more sense for us to get a dishwasher.” Did I mock and taunt him with a “neener, neener” comment? No, I still stayed humble.
It takes a very, very big person to be able to be a champion of humility. My husband and I recognized very early in our relationship that we were each other’s number one fan. So with taking on that title of biggest fan, why would either of us ever want to do anything but honour, respect, uplift and complement the other? (And by “complement,” I don’t mean the type where you tell someone that their hair looks nice. I mean the kind where raspberry coulis complements a dark chocolate mousse.) Why would either of us want to hold a title of superiority in our relationship?
“He’s the man of the house.”
Yes, he is the man of the house. I do not have a penis. Some people at work say that I have bigger “stones” than most of the men there; but that’s my job. That’s what they pay me for. Outside of my Monday to Friday role as a “heavy,” I am very happy with my lady parts when I’m with my husband. He is the King and I am the Queen, and we both rule our kingdom together. When we married, we combined our two separate lives to live one life together. One life. One heart. One path.
Despite how they portray marriage on most sitcoms these days, you cannot be successful in a relationship if you’re always trying to one-up your partner. You can’t. You really can’t. You will only be miserable and begin to resent one another. Once you embrace the importance of submission and humility in your life, you will be able to experience the positive results of their power. You will start to reap what you have sown.
As my three part series comes to an end, I hope it is only the beginning of a new consideration for the relationships in your life. A recap of my Three H’s:
- Honesty: Learn to be honest with yourself about why you are behaving a certain way in your relationship. If you can’t do that, you won’t or can’t be honest with anyone else.
- Humor: Keep your heart light as often as possible. There’s no point in sitting in the corner wetting on yourself when times are tough. Laugh at the challenges and push through them.
- Humility: Get over yourself! Take a step back and approach challenges or conflict without arrogance or false pride. Learn from the experiences of the other individual and soak in their knowledge or wisdom.
But lastly…respect one another. Respect everyone. No matter the demographic or hierarchy. Respect. Respect. Respect.