Boredom or Genetic Dilution? You decide.

I’m sure everyone knows of the claim that humans only use 10% of their brain. Some say it’s a myth, but I beg to differ (especially as I get older… that 10% seems rather generous for me, Monday through Friday of most weeks).

Let me just pause a moment as 62.9% of you indignantly snort, and say, “My gawd! What planet is this woman from, that she believes that myth?”

You may doubt the validity of my claim, but I have one very solid piece of evidence that will prove me right…

Dishwasher pod challenges.

If there was ever a perfect example of God “trimming the fat” off of our population, teenagers biting into liquid dishwasher soap pods and posting it on the internet as a “challenge” is it.

I cannot even begin to process the justification of their actions, nor their utter stupidity at even thinking something like that is… is… I don’t even know what it is. I’m at a loss for words.

This brings me to my next philosophy on why such behavior is so prevalent in our society today. No, it’s not poor parenting. It’s not because they are “latch-key” kids. (Google it… it’s a thing.), or because they didn’t get the Pokémon toy that everyone else had. Nor is it because “mommy and daddy don’t love each other anymore.” I think it’s simply—genetic dilution.

It’s the only explanation I can come up with.

When I first heard about pure-bred dogs whose over-breeding causes them to have more genetic defects and health challenges, it all started to make sense to me. This is what’s happening to humans.

The more we procreate, the more our genetics become diluted. This simple realization could easily attribute to so many things:

  • A false sense of entitlement
  • The urge… no… the need to document your entire life on social media
  • Ignorant political choices
  • The decree that fast food is one of the four major food groups (replacing the wildly unpopular, and “so 1970’s” vegetable category)
  • Men in their late forties wearing skinny jeans
  • Biting into soap pods (which completely abolishes any effect a mother might get when threatening to wash her child’s mouth out with soap)
  • Chubby Bunny
  • The Cinnamon challenge
  • Kylie Jenner lip challenge
  • Hot pepper challenge
  • Growing hideous facial hair in November and claiming that it’s for “Movember,” even though you’re not doing a DAMN thing to raise money for the cause
  • Thinking that a “fish gape” or “duck face” pose is attractive or authentic

Prior to walking down the aisle with HV 2.0*, both being of Middle East descent, we were required to have a Middle East Genetic Panel taken to ensure that our future children wouldn’t come out with a camel hooves or something hideous like a… a… big schnoz!

Those of us of Middle-East descent have a distinct genetic profile that can create some not-so-awesome issues with our offspring. If we potentially have some bad ju-ju in our genetics (no pun intended), why are the doctors so quick to assume that a genetic compatibility panel isn’t necessary with the rest of the cultures in Earth’s melting pot? Maybe if the testing was mandatory, we’d avoid some of the genetic hiccups that make a seemingly-sane person think that the “Banana Sprite challenge” is a great idea.

I remember the days when I’d hear or see something trivial on the news (e.g. “Albino bunny bears sextuplets in Albuquerque public library.”), and I’d think, “Obviously a slow news day.” Now, with all the senseless violence, discrimination, and viral trends, I long to hear about how that damn albino bunny is doing thirty years later.

At this stage in the game of civilization’s general decline, maybe we should, as a society, toss in the towel on further procreation, and either dust off our Cabbage Patch dolls, or just buy a Hatchimal or Fingerling.

Society… you exhaust me.

* HV 1.0, 2.0 and 3.0 as explained in Chapter 7 of Living Out Loud:

Husband Version Three-Point-Oh was how I referred to my future life partner. You see, my view was that my first two husbands (HV 1.0 and HV 2.0) came from a software development company, and were just beta versions, and were therefore not fully compatible with my own complex system. I’ve seen emails circulating that have a similar philosophy about men and women’s compatibility, so I’m obviously not the only one who’s experienced this. I just needed to be patient and wait for HV 3.0, who I was positive would have perfect compatibility with my system, and would not require further upgrades.”

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *